At what age can a child decide where they want to live?

There's no set age at which a child can decide. Courts will consider a child's wishes, giving them more weight as the child matures. However, the child's wishes are just one factor—the court must consider all circumstances and what's in the child's best interests.

Can grandparents apply for a child arrangement order?

Grandparents can apply, but they usually need permission from the court first. The court will consider the nature of the grandparent's relationship with the child and whether the application is in the child's interests.

What happens if my ex doesn't follow the order?

If the other parent breaches a child arrangement order, you can apply to the court for enforcement. The court has various powers, including making the other parent attend a programme, varying the order, or in serious cases, imposing fines or even imprisonment.

A Guide to Child Arrangement Orders

When parents separate, one of the most important considerations is how to arrange care for their children. Child arrangement orders provide a legal framework for these arrangements when parents cannot agree.

What Is a Child Arrangement Order?

A child arrangement order is a court order that sets out:

Who the child will live with (previously called ‘residence’)
Who the child will spend time with (previously called ‘contact’)

The order can also cover other aspects of a child’s upbringing, such as where they go to school or decisions about medical treatment.

Do You Need a Court Order?

Not necessarily. Many parents reach agreement about their children’s care without court involvement. If you can agree arrangements that work for everyone—especially the children—that’s usually the best approach.

You might consider a court order if:

You cannot reach agreement with the other parent
There are concerns about the child’s safety or welfare
One parent is preventing the other from seeing the child
You need a legally enforceable arrangement

The Court’s Approach

When making decisions about children, the court’s paramount consideration is the child’s welfare. The court uses a ‘welfare checklist’ that includes:

The child’s physical, emotional, and educational needs
The likely effect of any change in circumstances
The child’s age, sex, background, and relevant characteristics
Any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
How capable each parent is of meeting the child’s needs
The range of powers available to the court
The child’s own wishes and feelings (considered in light of their age and understanding)

The Process

1. Mediation

Before applying to court, you’re generally required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This assesses whether mediation might help you reach agreement without court proceedings.

Exceptions exist for cases involving domestic abuse or child protection concerns.

2. Application

If mediation isn’t appropriate or doesn’t result in agreement, you can apply to the court using Form C100. The court fee is currently £232.

3. First Hearing

The court will list a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA). Both parents attend with their representatives. A Cafcass officer (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) will have spoken to both parents beforehand and will be present at the hearing.

The court will try to help parents reach agreement. If agreement isn’t possible, the court will give directions for the next steps.

4. Further Hearings

If the matter doesn’t settle, there may be further hearings. The court might order:

A Cafcass report into the child’s welfare
Fact-finding hearing (if there are disputed allegations)
Expert assessments

5. Final Hearing

If agreement still cannot be reached, the court will make a decision at a final hearing after hearing evidence from both parents.

Common Arrangements

There’s no ‘standard’ arrangement—what works depends on the child’s needs, the parents’ circumstances, and practical considerations like distance and work patterns.

Common patterns include:

Child lives primarily with one parent, spending every other weekend and one midweek evening with the other
Shared care, where the child spends roughly equal time with each parent
Child lives with one parent during term time and the other during holidays

Tips for Parents

Focus on the children. Try to see arrangements from their perspective. Children generally benefit from having meaningful relationships with both parents.

Be flexible. Life changes. An arrangement that works when a child is 5 might need adjusting when they’re 12.

Communicate. Keep the other parent informed about important matters. Use a communication method that works—some parents find apps like Our Family Wizard helpful.

Don’t involve children in disputes. Children shouldn’t be placed in the middle or made to feel they must choose sides.

Getting Legal Advice

Child arrangement disputes can be emotionally challenging and legally complex. We can help you understand your options, represent you in negotiations, or advocate for you in court if necessary.